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the tourist ep

by ichorling

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1.
absolute 04:20
when i was 17 i had wrists like shattered glass, felt like a hurricane a summer slipped away in shades of grey empty eyes, empty hands, empty heart the storm brewing in these bones is tearing me apart i am a binary star never together or apart if only i could choose a side if only i could polarize i’ll never be honest cause i still dont know what my truth is so you’ll find me singing out of time: i think i might’ve lost my mind! ive felt the sharp sting of fear in the middle of the night ive seen 4am more times than i care to count. always absolutes, im fine or im dying, never in between im always the kid thats freezing cold the gaping cracks left in the middle of the road the broken bone with no cast, the love that doesnt last, anther cause thats lost fingers always crossed a hurricane kid no idea what i did but no- open palms reaching up to the sun but our hands get burned im the kid who never won always always always im empty bottles under the bed thunderbolt dreams stuck in your head always the shallow indentation left by a body no longer in bed beside you im the three, or four, or five or six in the mornings im empty stars in the sky like eyes reflecting hollow streetlights looking over shallow lies resonating so deeply into nothingness i am everything. i am nothing. always.
2.
dark 03:28
i used to be so afraid of endless dark a black whole to envelop me, crush my heart i would lie awake, crying in fear desperate for someone to keep me here now i cry because i cannot go im left here tethered, trapped in the cold please letme go, let me leave im afraid i don’t want to go on to the grasp of my chest warped fingers cast in lead pull me into a dark dream, destroy me please leave me be may i be grass under feet and leaves on trees may i be soil and earth and dew fill me whole make me yellow make me warm make me anything other than what i am im not scared of the dark anymore i invite it in through my door welcome it in to my heart, god knows i love to fall apart i used to cry at night, beg “please leave me on a light” now i’m sleeping in the dark, praying “please just take my heart” but the demons i feared never came, though i call out their name even the dark abandoned me, left me here, won’t set me free i wish i could go, be free from the cold, be free of this body thats rotten and old hold me end me let me go, destroy me protect me, let me go lay me not in the cold leave me hungry no more protect me help me hold me, end me
3.
everyone else is growing up they're moving on, moving out but you're still here, still stuck in the same old place when your worst dreams are coming true how do you face who you've become when you don't recognize your own face in the mirror it's because you're a tourist in your own head tell them all you're already dead you're a tourist in your own head tell them all "she left"-- you're gone take a picture of what's already past change your name, change your clothes anything to hide from your past but you're not the one who's changed, you stay in place, watch everyone else move on you're gone.
4.
are you insane like me? been in pain like me? bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me? would you use your water bill to dry to stain like me? are you high enough without the mary jane like me? do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me? do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me? saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me? and all the people say: "you can't wake up, this is not a dream, you're part of a machine, you are not a human being, with your face all made up, living on a screen, low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline" i think there's a flaw in my code these voice won't leave me alone my heart is gold and my hands are cold are you deranged like me? are you strange like me? lightin matches just to swallow up the flame like me? do you call yourself a fuckin hurricane like me? pointing fingers cause you never take the blame like me?
5.
sea storm 05:25
we are the young we are the free we’re fighting for our sanity, we were betrayed by our bodies and we never fuckin sleep we’re the kids you forgot, we’re the kids you never loved, we’re the poor, we’re the broken, we’re the storm on the sea you havent lived what ive lived and im not really gonna forgive ya i dont expect you to understand if youre living a life, everything on demand rich kids, fast cars, no rules, no scars,all sins, cigarettes, and turnin it up they get to be invincible while we stuck out here bein responsible all these songs i hear on the radio, yknow the ones that all the other kids seem to know stay out all night, party all the time, live fast, die young, spend every dime youre takin for granted what we never had, me and my friends sittin at home goin mad cause some of us cant really afford cars, some of us still are healing our scars so we don’t really go out, we’re hiding inside, this ones for my friend’s who feel they’ve already died everybody’s chain smokin’ on the roof ’til midnight, everybody’s fuckin ’til the sun comes up, they’re all living life in fast cars, last hours, while you and i are dreaming of our demons and we’re hiding from the sun my friends and i got bags under our eyes, lived our whole lives having to compromise every time we stand up, we’re kicked to the ground, our internal structures were build unsound and i made myself bleed to prove to myself what ive been through prove to myself that im real im still here, prove to em all that my hurt is sincere if you’re hearing my voice and you’re feeling alone, feel like you’ve never really felt at home ive been there im still here youll find somewhere you belong until then i invite you to find a home in these songs what the media wants you to believe is that you and me we’ll never achieve our dreams but i know that we were born for this, i insist you exist never let them dismiss our power if we stand up strong, together, they cant stop us, we are the inclimate weather you and me, we’re the storm on the sea you and me, we’re the storm on the sea if you’re scared of the sun, i’m here to let you know you’re not alone. if you’re scared to let go of the darkness that’s all you’ve ever known… i’m scared too. but take my hand, okay? we’ll go together. credits

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we meant to drop this a day sooner but we forgot. hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive us.

credits

released October 3, 2015

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ichorling Los Angeles, California

ichor; noun. the blood of the gods. rhymes with liquor.

sarah and zoe;

the tourist ep, out now.

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